Online Dating pt. 2

November 23, 2009

Wherein our heroine attempts to show her nobler side and offer advice for the poor male souls who just don’t seem to get it.

So I have been met with a tiny bit of criticism. First and foremost let me say that if you don’t approve of something on the internet, well, you’re a) not alone and b) have no chance in hell of changing it. Ignore it and move on.

BUT. But, I would like to put out there why I’m doing this. Why am I embarrassing (for the record I’m not, everything is anonymous) these poor souls who just want to connect with someone? Well, I’m doing it as a way of showing those that might come here WHAT NOT TO DO.

That’s right, these blog posts should serve as a cautionary tale. We should all learn something from the mistakes these internet wretches make. To prove that to you, here is a (running) list of things we can learn from my inbox.

(in no particular order)

  • Don’t use pickup lines. Just like they suck in real life, so do they suck on the web.
    Don’t tell me that I’m pretty and THEN reference that I look like someone in your family (extended, in-laws or otherwise). Why? It’s creepy. Just plain creepy.
  • Don’t send me a message telling me all about you. That is, ONLY about you. These come across as a form letter. Yes, there should be incentive to write you back, but prove to me you read my profile and were interested in more than how cute I am.
  • Spelling and grammar (not grammer) count. Some girls might not care about them, but those that do, care A LOT. Also, limit your acronyms and net-speak (lol*, ur, shortening words to their numeric counterparts) unless you are in fact a lol-cat. (No, I do not want to date a lol-cat)
  • NO form letters. Yes it takes time to actually write something meaningful and with thought. It doesn’t have to be super long, but seriously, I repeat – prove you read my profile and can do more than ctrl-c, ctrl-v.
  • Don’t cheat. If someone’s profile requires a minimum message character limit, don’t pepper the message with erroneous “K”s.
  • There are more, but c’mon people- be sincere and above all, try and follow the same guidelines you’d follow if you were chatting up a girl in a pub.

    * Using “lol” in a message seems to be a trend. I hate seeing it. Let me tell you why…

    The Art of LOL.

    “LOL” stands for “Laugh[ing] out loud” and some people pepper their messages with it. I assume this is to show how “fun” and “carefree” they are. Unfortunately I think it can send the wrong impression. I find the only appropriate time to use “lol” is as a response to something someone else has said (and therefore, never in a first contact message). I find that when someone “lol”‘s their own comment, it makes them sound like a buffoon. Like someone that laughs at their own jokes. And no one else is laughing.

    Truth.

    Seriously, let your audience be the judge of whether or not you’re funny. Because if you have to tell us that you’re being funny, well, you’re not.

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